You Don't Have to Find the Lesson Yet
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. - Lao Tzu
In October 2012, Superstorm Sandy hit New York and destroyed the first level of my home. Suddenly, my kids, our pet and I were homeless.
The road back home was emotionally devastating and physically exhausting. And on top of everything the storm took, I carried a question I could not put down. Why did this happen to me?
Have you ever gone through something hard and felt you deserved it? Caught yourself thinking, this wouldn't be happening if I were a better person?
Sometimes the search for a reason is really a search for what we did wrong.
Letting go of the why
Like so many things I loved that washed away, I had to let go of questioning why. There was no way to think my way out of those circumstances. The questions only added pressure to feelings that were already pouring out of me.
So I conserved my energy. I cleared my schedule and my to-do list to make room for the unknown road ahead. I leaned on my Faith and gave myself permission to be a human being managing extraordinary circumstances.
Surviving 24 hours at a time was enough.
The pressure to make it mean something
Maybe someone told you everything happens for a reason. That this will make you stronger. That you will appreciate life more on the other side.
There is truth in those words. But when you are still inside the crisis, they can become one more weight to carry.
We love a comeback story, and those stories can inspire us. The trouble starts when we believe every hard season must produce a transformation, and quickly.
Caregivers know this pressure well. When someone depends on you, there is little room to fall apart. You keep the household running, make the hard decisions and reassure everyone that things will be okay. Then, in the first quiet moment, you try to turn the whole experience into something useful. It's teaching me patience. I'm getting stronger. At least it isn't worse.
Those perspectives can help. Let them be choices you are free to make, rather than "shoulds" you have to meet to prove you are growing.
You do not have to feel grateful for something that hurt you. You do not have to call an exhausting season a blessing. And you do not have to rush toward forgiveness or acceptance because other people are more comfortable when your pain gets suppressed or wrapped up in a positive perspective.
A smaller question
Pain does not always highlight just one thing that needs attention and the cause isn’t always obvious. Sometimes pain leaves you totally confused, angry or tired. Those feelings deserve your attention and trust knowing the purpose will reveal itself in time. Inner wisdom comes naturally when we hold a traumatic experience in our hands with a loose grip and a relaxed mind.
If you feel unsupported right now, you are far from alone..
The American Psychological Association's 2023 Stress in America survey found that 66% of adults could have used more emotional support than they received in the past year. And 44% said they don't feel anyone understands what they are going through. Many of us are moving through hard seasons without the support we need. What helps most in those moments is space to name what is hard, and someone to receive it.
So try trading "What is this teaching me?" for a smaller question:
What would help me get through this minute, hour or day?
That question brings you back to the present. Maybe the answer is a conversation with someone you trust. Maybe it is asking for help with a responsibility you have been carrying alone. Maybe it is a nap, or permission to stop searching for an explanation for a while.
This is Lao Tzu's single step. You don't need to see the whole thousand miles to take it.
Growth keeps its own timeline
Recovering after a crisis is its own stage. Growth can happen quietly, and you may only see it months or years later.
I did. The spring after Sandy, I launched Dragon Lifestyle. I used Traditional Chinese Medicine and Qigong to rebuild my health, again. Later, I wrote about that time in my story "The Mystery of Transformation." None of it was visible while I was surviving one day at a time. The open door was there, and I walked through it when I was ready.
And if your hard season never becomes a triumph story, your life is no less meaningful. You are allowed to get through something without turning it into something other people admire.
If you are in the middle of it now
I created the W.A.R. Reset Tactical Guide for exactly this stage, when getting through the day is the whole job. It's free, and it walks you through three short practices to check in with your body, ground yourself and release what you are holding.
If that would help you get through this week, you can download it here:
https://invite.dragonlifestyle.com/war-tactical-guide
You do not have to prove how much you have grown before you acknowledge your inherent value as a human being. And you do not have to wait until you feel worthy to accept support.
In Faith and Warriors Spirit, Mayra
